The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
DIVISION “A” EARNS FOUR SPOTS IN CHAOS CUP QUARTER-FINALS
OBITUARY
Our hearts go out to Ash, the experienced wardancer who played for Wooden Men and Iron Trees. He tragically died in week 8 due to slipping on a banana peel.
R.I.P. Ash
2400-2507 I.C.
Grave Misteak, a bloater, injures an Elven Union lineman in week 9.
HEALTH CONCERNS RAISED AS BOLIEVE BRONCOS MAKE THE CUT
Serious health concerns have been raised as the BoLieve Broncos make the cut to the Chaos Cup quarter-finals.
The BoLieve Broncos advance to the quarter-finals after killing two, injuring six, and knocking out three elves in week 9, allegedly due to pestilence. One coach has expressed concerns about the use of pestilence in the game of Blood Bowl, claiming it harms the integrity of the game.
"Look, we don't allow chainsaws, bombs, or flails on the pitch. Why should disease be allowed?", argued SBever, coach of Wooden Men & Iron Trees. "It's not right. It's not fair!"
"This is discrimination, plain and simple.", replied BB_Nut, coach of BoLieve Broncos. "SBever simply doesn't like our appearance. If he got to know us, he'd know we're no different from anyone else and our appearance doesn't provide any more benefits to our play than a wood elf's hair provides to their play. I think if SBever just gave one of our players a hug, he could learn to see us for who we really are."
When SBever refused, BB_Nut made a request of league commissioners: "Could we just get access to their food or their towels or something? You know, just to help with the cooking or the cleaning."
Rumors are swirling around the league that SBever's team will be wearing full hazmat suits both on and off the field for the Spike! Magazine Trophy. We can't wait to see what snazzy design they come up with!
EIGHT FACTIONS ADVANCE TO THE QUARTER-FINALS
A wide array of teams has qualified for the Chaos Cup quarter-finals, showcasing various strategic and tactical playstyles. We asked each team to give the Gazette a one-sentence description of their plan going in to the playoffs. Here's what they had to say.
Conspicuous Disunion, Necromantic Horror, coached by Chyme: "Kill the elves."
O Din! It's Nuffle!, Norse, coached by Clypheous: "Murder the elves."
The Fishy Fiends, Chaos Renegades, coached by Ajax: "Dispatch the elves."
Blitzburg Steelers, Skaven, coached by JDWhitee: "Finish off the elves."
Da Gutterballz, Orc, coached by El Nooberino: "Annihilate the elves."
BoLieve Broncos, Nurgle, coached by BB_Nut: "Obliterate the elves."
Philosophers Song, Lizardman, coached by Spire: "Extinguish the elves."
NC Snakes, Dark Elf, coached by Moob: "We have a complex strategy devised which depends on wh—"
Unfortunately, we ran out of time before being able to record the entirety of Moob's response. However, our strategic and lingual experts at the Gazette assure us that their answer equates to some form of, "eradicate the elves."
For such a diverse lot of teams, their strategies are oddly similar. We wish them all the best of luck in the quarter-finals!