The MAML Gazette
All the mauling that's fit to print
BOLIEVE BRONCOS WIN CHAOS CUP!
SPIKE! MAGAZINE TROPHY BEGINS
SPIKE! MAGAZINE TROPHY SEES MOST HUMAN ENTRANTS IN LEAGUE HISTORY
Three human teams have entered this season's Spike! Magazine Trophy, the most of any previous competition in the league.
The Department of Redundancy coached by Todaari, Remnants of Valor coached by SBever, and Technobabble Inc. coached by EvaUnit02.
Humans have a depth of strategic options unrivaled by other factions. The problems humans face is that they tend to get outpaced by the specialist factions.
"It's really nice to see more human teams take to the pitch.", said EvaUnit02. "I think we'll study the tapes a lot this competition to see how the other human teams use their advantages to pivot over the course of their games and play to their opponents' weaknesses."
We asked SBever what his approach to this competition would be after coaching an undead team last season. He had this to say: "This is pure madness. How is any human expected to live a long, full life in this career? Humans don't have any claws. No horns or even any mummies! Why not? Just dig up some mummies! What is wrong with these people!? Good Khorne, they don't even sign their contracts in a rage-filled frenzy! These guys are going to die...they're all going to die."
It's nice to see SBever getting in to spirit of the game before week 1!
Cauleeflower scores the Chaos Cup winning touchdown in overtime.
LEAGUE ORDERS NEW MEDICAL TESTING AFTER BOLIEVE BRONCOS WIN THE CHAOS CUP
The BoLieve Broncos, coached by BB_Nut, are the new Chaos Cup champions. After coming in to contact with teams eleven times, it has become clear that the Broncos have handed out more than just 'L's to their opponents.
Many coaches have reported a wide array of medical issues, from mild nausea to skin falling off. League medical professionals have traced the cause back to the Broncos.
"We saw this a lot back in the days of The Rotters.", says Doogie Howser, chief medical officer of the league. "Newer coaches may not be aware of the gifts bestowed to those who worship Grandfather Nurgle, the Lord of Decay. They often include pestilence, disease, and decay. This is perfectly normal. Coaches will just be required to go through standard testing before each game just to ensure their internal organs aren't in a state of liquification."
"I don't think it's right.", said Ian of The Discomancers. "Good ol' necromancy is perfectly fine. At least that doesn't impose itself on others. Honestly, I think this is just a tactic by the Broncos to try to get teams to run afoul of new, tedious medical testing regulations. We've never played the Broncos, so I don't even know whaaa--"
At that moment, Ian's tongue, clearly diseased and necrotic, fell out of his mouth. It seems the new regulations will help to ensure that no one else's organs fall out of their body!
AMAZONS DEBUT THIS SEASON WITH THE WASABAZONS
Amazons make their first appearance of the season with the Wasabazons coached by War_horseman.
A deceptively strong team, many new coaches focus on the Dodge skill as a defensive option for the team. However, unlike elves, amazons don't have high agility. With two high strength players, two blitzers with Hit-And-Run, and a thrower with Safe Pass and On The Ball, this is a team that can hit hard, be relatively safe while being blocked, and run faster than they seem to be able to. A great team indeed.
With such an excellent roster, we asked War_horseman how he intended to approach his games this competition. "My thrower has a big snake around her neck", he said. We asked War_horseman to explain. "It's a snake. Like, a really big snake."
...right, then. We wish the Wasabazons the best of luck this competition!